December 15, 2002
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Geesh the last 24 hours has been very exhausting. My SIL called yesterday morning around 5 a.m. and asked that we come down to Fairfield as the police had just taken her husband. He has been off of work for about 6 weeks now , has been diagnosed with depression and placed on Xoloft (?). The family doctor, I do not believe was treating him properly and we had suggested they get a second opinion. My SIL had been trying (without success) to get him to a physiologist this last week. The doctor indicating he could not make the appointment until he spoke with the patient himself. She went to bed Friday evening and was awakened by a phone call, it was him calling from the kitchen. She said she got up, still dazed from waking up (this was about 3:30 a.m.), walked out to the kitchen (not totally understanding what was going on) when she discovered he had blood on his hands, shirt, and the floor. He looked at her and said he needed some help that he had broken a glass. After looking around she realized he had not broken a glass, looked at him and said, you do not want to do this! He started in with he no longer wants to live and the typical ranting's not only of someone in a state of depression but he had been drinking as well. Remember, this is on top of medication...not good!
She called the police not knowing who else to call. They arrived with EMT's and ended up taking him into the jail for detox because he was drinking. They indicated that he would be there about 4 hours and then they would transfer him to the Crisis Center. That was about 5 a.m. yesterday morning. We spent the better part of the day trying to get information on him, the system is so frustrating....they will not give out information. Ultimately, at about 9:30 p.m. last night we found out where he was and had to take his medical card over to them so they could get authorization to transfer him to a mental health hospital in Vallejo. What an ordeal this has been....I can't believe the bureaucracy, even when a family member calls for help and the patient goes willingly (I think he knows he reached bottom) that the system is so uncompassionate!
We have had a bumpy road with my BIL over the 20 years that they have had a relationship. He did not come from a family that knows anything, and I do mean anything about love. He has a hard time hugging people, let alone having anyone hug him. Well at 40 years of age it has finally caught up with him. The big kicker here was that his boss called on Friday and indicated that if he did not come back to work (with all the proper documents signed by a doctor) he was going to be terminated on Monday. That we believe, threw him over the edge. He has been an IT technician at a medical center in Palo Alto for 15 years. Now we are hoping that he can get the help he needs and get on the road to good mental health. I'm so concerned for his son (age 10) and what he will be going through this holiday season in the event his Dad does not come home soon. I guess we can take solace in knowing that he is finally getting the help he needs, hopefully!
At least this has taken my focus off of myself and how depressed I get at this time of the year because of the anniversary of fire and the loss of my sons, that is December 20th. We now need to concentrate on getting my SIL and nephew through this trying time.
On a happier note we were able to get the skateboard for the 12 year old....yippy! Now I know that at least these 3 kids will not be disappointed on Christmas day.
Hoping everyone is having a great weekend and getting ready for the holiday season ahead of us.
Comments (20)
How terrible about your BIL and his family. I'm sure it is very difficult to deal with and to try and keep their son in the best possible spirits.
I had no idea that you lost your sons. That completely breaks my heart and leaves me at a loss for words. I can't imagine how hard this time of year is for you.
I'm so sorry to hear of what happen but maybe now he can get the proper help he needs
I also am a new reader and didnt know of the fire and the loss of your sons... I am so sorry.
I wish there was something I could say but I know that must be a very tender spot in your heart and its totally understandable you would experience depression durring this time of year... lots of love and ((hugs)) for you and your SIL husband. Your both in my prayers. 
That is so sad. I hope he gets the help he needs. I am glad you found the skateboard those children will be so happy on Christmas. {{{Hugs}}}
Hey I just wanted to say keep the faith & I'll keep your BIL in my prayers.
BTW...Im new to Xanga.
Just like everyone else, I am a new reader here. I am terribly sorry to here about the sad things that seem to be surrounding this season for you. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
You obviously appear to have a very good heart! Merry Christmas and God bless!
Ahh sweetie. Hugs and extra ones to get you through the night.
I'm so sorry about your BIL (((((Susie)))) Let me know how hes doing, ok?
Its a tough time for you, I'm so sorry!!
I'm so sorry about your BIL
{{{ big hugs}}} and smiles 
((((((((Sue)))))) Oh my goodness.. this is a rough one for you on top of how you usually feel at this time.
I wish there were somrthing I could do for you. I am always available to chat, so just look for me doll.. I'll be a good ear for you.
Thank goodness he is getting the help he needs. Poor fella.. having a rough childhood can do miserable things to you when you get older.
IM so sorry about that.
Hugs
Having lost a son, and also been through the frustration of dealing with the mental health care system to help a loved one, I understand some of what you are feeling right now. On a brighter note, I can tell you that when you finally get proper treatment for a mental disorder, it can make all the difference in the world. There is a lot of hope out there, but to get there you almost always have to travel down an unbelievably rocky road. I urge you to contact NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) They may be able to help.
Bless your heart!! I am thinking of you and your family!!!
Be blessed
Tina
I am sending you prayers filled with thoughs of love and lightness of being.
Since he did go willingly, maybe that's a good sign that he really wants the help. I am so sorry that it has happened at this time of year, especially for their son, but I'm sure other family members like yourself will give him the strength and comfort he needs.
Also big hugs for you.
Oh My! ! ! You have had a busy weekend. I will keep BIL and family in my prayers. Makes us so much aware of all we truly have and sometimes take for granted. Thank you for sharing, also for your wonderfully sweet comments on my site. Sorry my visiting has been sperratic(?). Am really working at getting better.
Susie, so sorry to hear about this....can't imagine how the family is reacting to this!! I told Ryan, he is going to contact his Dad tonight. The Christmas cards from his Dad & Grandparent's arrived on Saturday. I can't imagine how hard this will be for V & G.
I know how difficult this time of the year has always been for you.....you know how my heart breaks for you & your loss....love you, Hon. I will e-mail you!!
That is so sad...... I hope and pray that things will turn out alright for them. I know what you mean about trying to cheer up. That is why I am up so late because today is my Mom's birthday.
I didn't want to post anything. I guess we can lean on each other.
I am glad you got the skateboard for the 12 yr. old. That will make their day when they open it. I am going out in the morning and getting a gift for a girl and boy angel. I always pick one from the tree every year. Hope your week is starting off good! {{{hugs}}}
Jeeze...That's terrible. I hope he gets some treatment that will help. Most depression is treatable these days, the problem is that depressed people don't believe that.
Yes, the mental health system is awful. Makes me scream in frustration every time I hear things like this. I went through all that and I hate the thought of someone else going through it too.
...btw...is SIL the same person as BIL? I'm confused... who is SIL?
*hugs*, for they say so much more than words.
Perhaps give your nephew a little extra love this holiday season, things happen in strange ways sometimes, but maybe this is just what you need. Congrats on finding the skateboard. The "system" bites.
-M
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